Something is happening right now, I’m not sure what… but I feel like if I were a glass of water, I’d be cloudy. And I feel I’m in need of some intense Sarah time. Not the kind where I seclude myself from all the people around me (not that at all), but the kind where my mind takes a break from them. I feel like my mind has been clouded the past two months (possibly even longer) by practically everyone I know… or rather, by myself dealing with them. And I just seemed to have lost myself in there, my self-awareness. And now I feel like I’ve just kind of been walking blindly, asking myself how I got here. It’s not that I’ve been doing the same old, same old (the exact opposite is the case), or that I’ve had a bad few months (for the most part, they’ve been quite good)… but I just feel like it’s all led me to this place, a place where I feel I’ve gotten away from myself at my most basic form, where I’ve become cloudy. My long weekend in Jackson cleared me, put me back in my most simple form, made me fully aware of myself again. But after only a few days back, I’ve clouded again. And everything around me seems to reiterate my need to just… be. To be a clear glass of water again… hydrogen and oxygen, and nothing else. It is now Sarah time, indefinitely. Hydrogen and oxygen (and carbon), and nothing else.
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Watch what you say. Due to excessive spambots, the following words within a comment automatically send it to the trash without my ever knowing: any word associated with the primary male and female reproductive parts, any word you might find on a porn site (including the relatively innocent and multi-functional "breasts"), any prescription drug name (yes, even prozac and amoxicillan are off limits), any form of the F word, and "mp3" is out too. Sorry. If for any reason you need to use words like these within the comment, I suggest you get creative and find another way of saying it. Also, because filters don't care how innocent your comment may be, words like title, analyst, cocker spaniel, Emily Dickinson, etc. are off limits. Can you guess why?
I’ve felt this way for a long time. And I can’t seem to get it back all the way to clear.
I sort of wonder about it. Like maybe I don’t even know what clear is anymore.
Comment by Anonymous 08.24.07 @ 5:58 pm