Earlier today, Chris and I broke up for what is likely to be the last time. For a year and a half, we have held onto our relationship, continuously on again, off again, and everything in between. I’ve lost count now of how many times we’ve done this, but it still hurts because it’s never been a matter of us not getting along, but rather a matter of distance. We live in different places, we’re doing different things, and no matter how hard we try to make it work, the distance always gets in the way, even when we’re sitting next to each other. With only four hours between us for the past year, it has been relatively easy to make the drive and spend a weekend together… but now that I am moving away yet again, the same cannot be said. True, if we really wanted to keep it going, we probably could, but the fact of the matter is that moving an extra five hours away isn’t really making it any harder to maintain, it’s simply making it easier to let go. And we have to let go, because as great as we are when we’re together, we just don’t work the same when we’re apart.
So now I sit here, numb and puffy-eyed, after saying goodbye to the only person I’ve ever loved, who has seen me at my absolute best, my absolute worst, and loved me regardless. He’s my best friend, the only person I am ever really myself around, and as much as he pisses me off, I love him ten times more. It is killing me to let go, to walk away, but I made the choice to move away again. I can’t stop crying, but I know in time it won’t hurt like this… and that life will go on, just like it always does.
by Sarah
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